Aftermath
by stardust2002
Summary: Lee and Kara finally have a real talk about what's going on. Takes place directly after Scar spoilers up to and including Scar episode 2.15. Warning for language.


Aftermath

Set directly after Scar. It seems Lee and Kara have some things to talk about. Spoilers up to and including Scar - episode 2.15.

**ooooooooooooo**

The party continued on a long time. It had started off as a celebration of Kat's killing of Scar, but thanks to Starbuck's words, had become more like a wake - remembering and celebrating the lives of all the pilots they'd lost, not only to Scar, but since the fight began.

After her words, she'd disappeared - not surprisingly - this had to be humiliating after all the boasting she'd done about beating Kat. Lee had looked around for her a couple of times, but the pilot's rec had been packed and he hadn't been able to find her. He assumed she'd left after her speech and intended to go find her. Now wasn't a time for her to be alone. But people kept coming up and talking and somehow he just never made it out.

As the party began to break up, he stopped what he was saying mid-sentence and stared. Her blonde ponytail suddenly stood out from between two groups of partyers. She was sitting at a table in the corner, facing away from everyone, and Lee could read her body language well enough to know she needed help. _Not that last night didn't give you a clue, stupid. _

"I'm sorry ... lost my train of thought," he said apologetically as he realized the guy he was talking to _(who was he anyway? don't have a clue what his name is)_ was staring curiously at him, waiting for him to finish.

"Nevermind Apollo. I gotta hit my rack - I'm on in four hours. I'll see you later."

"Yeah ... later," Lee mumbled distractedly after him, their conversation already completely forgotten. He stood, staring at Kara's back for what felt like an eternity as the last few groups of people left to go to bed or take the party elsewhere. His legs involuntarily took him over to her table and he sat down beside her.

_Wow, deja vue, _he thought, but as he looked closer, he realized there was one big difference. She wasn't drinking alcohol - and the 'Galactica's Top Gun' beer stein that she treasured was sitting at Kat's usual table. Which brought his mind back to what he'd been wondering all evening.

"Why'd you do it Kara?" he asked slowly.

"Do what?" she answered lazily, never taking her eyes off the glass she held in her hand.

"Why'd you let Kat take Scar out? You were determined to kill that bastard. Why'd you let her do it instead?"

"Who says I _let _her?" Only a trace of the typical Starbuck defiance was present.

Lee looked at her like she was a two-year-old caught with a hand in the cookie jar. "I was listening. I heard you challenge him - and Kat yelling at you. Then suddenly you changed your tune and set him up for her to kill. Why?"

"Was that the wrong thing to do _sir_?"

"No Kara, it was a piece of frakking genius is what it was," he said testily, not appreciating her sarcasm. "It's just not like you at all. You're not a team player."

"Yeah ... well ... maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did."

"That's bullshit and we both know it."

Finally she turned to look at him, a slightly amused look on her face. "I guess I just realized being 'Top Gun'," she waved her glass in the air, spilling a little water on herself, "wasn't worth dying for."

Lee looked at her quizzically.

"The only way I could take him out was to deliberately crash into him. And if I didn't quite get it right, he'd have gone and mopped up Kat afterwards ... and who knows how many others after that. Enough people have died because of that mother frakker. It was time to get him, no matter how."

"I'll drink to that," Lee said enthusiastically, pouring himself another shot. He tipped the bottle towards Kara's empty glass and waited.

"No, I'm sticking to water."

He put the bottle down but didn't bother to pick up his glass. "Since when?"

"Since now," Kara said firmly, giving him a look that kept his mouth shut. Now was _not _the time to piss her off by being funny. She swirled her glass around, watching the distorted view of the table through it.

"Kat was right," she admitted finally. "We don't need another Tigh. One is enough." Lee smiled at her, his respect for her going up a notch. "Drowning my sorrows really isn't working and all it's doing is getting me into trouble. I'm no better than a stim junkie if I'm always drunk or hungover. I'm surprised I haven't had my ass shot off yet." She gave a dry chuckle but it was lacking in any real humour.

"So when did this all begin?" Lee asked quietly. Kara just shrugged. "When you got back from Caprica?" She fixed him with an evil glare. "Come on Kara, think about our conversation last night. You told me you were hung up on Anders - well you met him on Caprica."

She sighed. "No. I started having dreams ... more like nightmares when I came back. Mostly about the farms." She shuddered involuntarily at the memory.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

She looked at him helplessly. "I didn't want to bother you."

"Bother me? I'm your _friend _Kara. We're _supposed _to share our troubles," Lee said in a frustrated tone.

Kara stared at the wall, as if lost in a memory. "Then I started dreaming about him ... Sam." She looked at Lee apologetically. After last night, she knew hearing about the _other _ man would hurt him. "I didn't want to tell you because ... well it doesn't really matter anymore," she brushed it off. "Then it stopped being dreams and I started seeing his face every time I closed my eyes, reliving the time we spent together. " She closer her eyes and Lee noticed for the first time how large the dark rings around them were. "I keep seeing the look on his face when I promised to go back for him." She turned towards him and let the barriers down. Lee could see all the pain and anguish she'd been trying to hide. "And I never did," she finished in a whisper, tears filling her eyes. "I promised I would come back for him and then I left him there to die." Her shoulders shook as sobs overtook her.

Lee quickly moved his chair against hers and put his arms around her. She leaned into his chest and began to cry full-out in a way Lee had never seen before. He held her close with one arm and stroked her hair gently with the other hand, inadvertently pulling out her ponytail holder. He dropped it to the ground and continued stroking, fingers now running through the loose strands.

She began talking again a few minutes later, tears choking her words. Lee had to listen hard to figure out what she was saying.

"When I say I'm going to do something I do it - but I didn't. I left him there to die ... should have brought him back ... killed him just like Zack ... screw up... don't deserve to be loved ..." She broke down again and Lee held her even tighter. He berated himself for not seeing what was going on with her. _I was too wrapped up in my own sorrow - too self-centred to see that she was self-destructing._ The guilt threatened to overwhelm him. The signs had all been there - her belligerent and arrogant behaviour, her excessive drinking, her fights with Kat, the protege she was exceptionally proud of normally. _ She tried to reach out to you too Lee, but you pushed her away._ The thought came unbidden to his mind, but once it was there he couldn't deny it. She _had _tried to talk to him on several occasions, albeit about his near-death experience, but if he'd at least have been willing to spend _any _time alone with her he'd have seen the change.

"They die, they all die." She waved her arm hopelessly in the air. "I send them out there and they die, just like everyone else I care about."

"_I'm _still here Kara," Lee said firmly. "I'm not going anywhere."

"After what I did to you last night?" She turned a tear-stained face up to him. "You should run as fast as you can and never look back." Lee just held her tighter. "I'm sorry Lee, so sorry for last night. I frakked things up so badly ... I just don't know _what _I was thinking," she apologized.

"You don't need to apologize," he said, with a weak smile.

"Yes I do!" Kara answered vehemently. "I tried to ..."

"It takes two," he interrupted.

"What?"

"It takes two to tango. I wasn't exactly fighting you off." She shook her head. "You don't honestly think you could seduce me unless it was what I _wanted _do you?"

Kara pulled out of his arms to stare intently at him. Lee blushed under her scrutiny.

"Why do you think I stopped and asked you about us? About what there was between us? I know you just wanted a quick frak, but _I couldn't do that._ I care for you Kara, too much to just have a one-night stand that we'd both regret afterwards."

"Then why did you even start?"

Lee blushed a deeper shade of red and looked away, refusing to meet her eyes. " I was drunk ... and ... it's something I've been wanting for a long time ... and when you came on to me like that I just couldn't ..." He took a deep breath. "I couldn't resist." He looked directly at her, a shameful expression on his face. Her eyes were wide and full of surprise. "I'm sorry Kara, I shouldn't have led you on like that and then suddenly stopped. It must have screwed you up even more."

She gave a little sniff. "Actually I think it sobered me up, and I realized what I'd done. That's why I walked out - I couldn't handle talking about it. I was too ashamed." She dropped her eyes and a few more tears fell.

"Kara." The word was spoken with such tenderness it nearly broke her heart. So it was true what he'd said when she returned from Caprica - he _did _love her. Which made what she'd done to him yesterday that much worse.

Lee placed a finger under her chin and lifted it up to look at her straight on. "You're not the only one who has things to be ashamed of." And he proceeded to tell her of his relationship with Shevon, his dealings with the black market to get drugs for Paya, and finally his biggest secret - Giane.

Kara said nothing all the while he made his confession, but she didn't fail to notice the tears in his eyes as he neared the end. "It's okay Lee ..." she began, but he interrupted.

"No, it's _not _okay. I've done things I wish I'd never done, and now it's too late to fix them," he said sadly.

"Well, you're not the only one," she said softly, laying a hand on his arm.

Lee looked up at her and stared into her eyes for a full minute without saying anything. "Do you love him?" he asked suddenly.

Kara didn't need to ask who he was talking about. "I ... I um ... I don't know," she stuttered.

"Do you love him?" he repeated in a firmer voice. "Be honest with me Kara, I deserve that much."

The words tumbled out almost faster than she could say them. "How could I love someone I've only known a week? I mean how is it possible ..." She met Lee's unflinching gaze and stopped rambling. "I think so," she finished in a small voice.

Lee nodded, as if finalizing a decision he was trying to make. "Then you have to go back."

"How can I? I've asked to but your father and Roslin agree it's a waste of effort and puts more people at risk. They won't let me."

"They won't let you?" Lee repeated scornfully. "Where's the Starbuck we all know and love? The one who doesn't wait for people to _let _her do anything?" Kara smiled in spite of her tears. "You made a promise - you're going to keep it. If he's still alive, we'll find him."

"_We'll_?"

"You don't think I'm going to let you go to Caprica by yourself again, do you? The last time you tried that you got shot. You need someone to watch your back and that someone is going to be me."

"If they're not willing to let me go, they're sure as hell not going to let you go," Kara objected.

"They're not going to _let _either of us go, but that isn't going to stop us." Lee's jaw was set and Kara could tell he was dead serious.

"You know the consequences for that, right?"

Lee shrugged and smiled. "So you're a bad influence on me. That's not exactly news."

She laughed lightly though her eyes filled with tears again. Tears of sorrow or joy? She wasn't sure - probably both. Suddenly she put her arms up around his neck and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you," she whispered, eyes closing as he squeezed her tightly.

"Hey, we should get some sleep," he whispered, a while later. "It's late." Kara reluctantly let him go and nodded agreement.

As they walked Galactica's corridors, Kara thought about all the things that had happened in the last few days, particularly the last 24 hours, and made an admission to herself - she'd lied when she said there was nothing between her and Lee. She might be half in love with Samuel Anders, but she was completely in love with Lee Adama. She glanced over at him as he walked beside her and both thanked and cursed the gods that he was a part of her life. Nothing was easy with him, but she wouldn't have it any other way. She smiled as Lee looked over and caught her staring at him. He smiled back, and for once, they each knew exactly what the other was thinking. It seemed despite everything that had happened, that things were going to be okay with them.

**The End**


End file.
